Christmas Humor. Christmas Jokes

Christmas Humor. Christmas Jokes

A guy's wife was nagging him hard for a four-wheeler but still he bought her a beautiful extravagant diamond ring for Christmas. The husband's friend was amazed at his decision and asked him in secret, "Why couldn't you buy a car instead of the diamond ring?" The husband smiled and answered, "Fake cars are not easy to find."

Hilarious Christmas Signs

    * Toy Store: "Ho, ho, ho spoken here."
    * Bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."
    * Outside a church: "The original Christmas Club."
    * At a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd."
    * A Texas jewelry store: "Diamond tiaras -- $70,000. Three for $200,000."
    * A reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."
    * In a stationery store: "For the man who has everything... A calendar to remind him when payments are due."

Santa Stats

    * U.S. has 78 people registered under S. Claus and one under Kriss Kringle
    * December is the most popular month for nose jobs.
    * Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons.
    * Number of reindeers required to pull a 333,333-ton sleigh: 214,206 plus Rudolph.
    * Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour. With real beard: $20.
    * To deliver all his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second (at 3,000 times the speed of sound).
    * At that speed, Santa and his reindeers would instantaneously burst into flames in Earth's atmosphere just like meteors.

At Grandma's

Two little boys went to their grandparents' place for Christmas. At bedtime, the youngest one began to pray at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."

The older brother exclaimed, "Why are you shouting? Do you thing God is deaf." The little one promptly replied, "Nope! But Grandma certainly is!"

An Axe to Grind

A boy was constantly nagging his father to get him a Christmas tree. Each year, the father told him, "I don't want to pay for it." At last, son finally managed to exasperate his father and he went out with his axe. Thirty minutes later, he returned with a great big Christmas tree. The son was amazed that his father returned so soon and asked, "How did you cut it down so fast?" The father replied, "Oh! It's from the tree lot." "So why did you took the axe with you?", the son asked. "Because I didn't want to pay for it.", the father replied.

Santa Claus is a woman!

Santa Claus is a woman because:

    * The vast majorities of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.
    * For a he-Santa, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh.
    * Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
    * For a Santa man, there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue.
    * He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
    * Men can't pack a bag.
    * Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
    * Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
    * Men don't answer their mail.
    * Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
    * Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
    * Having to do the 'Ho Ho Ho' thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
    * Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

Santa is certainly a Man!

Santa Claus is undoubtedly a man because:

    * Santa doesn't deliver his presents on The Friday after Thanksgiving when the malls are open for 20 hours. Christmas Eve deliveries prove Mr. Claus to be a man.
    * Santa's reindeer is so drunk that his nose glows as his navigator. A woman would never let out those cute deer to work on Christmas Eve that too in cold and perhaps would dress them in sweaters and booties.
    * Only a male Santa can ignore 'fashion' and wear the same suit for 500 years.
    * Santa has never been known to answer a letter.
    * Women aren't interested in stockings unless someone better looking than them is wearing them.
    * As many presents as Santa delivers he has no trouble with babes.
    * Only men have the ability to stay up for 24 hours straight in the cold with a bunch of mangy deer and going up and down soot-infested chimneys.
    * A woman would never even think of going down a chimney and risk staining that red velvet.
    * Commitment requires that Christmas be on the same day each year. A female Santa would delay Christmas until she can touch-up her makeup and do her hair after leaving each house.

Santa Tracking With NORAD

Santa Tracking With NORAD

All the preparations for this year are in place! Come back each day to receive updates from the North Pole and to discover new surprises in the Kid's Countdown Village.
Santa's elves have been busier than usual this year preparing for Christmas Eve.



HOT UPDATES from the North Pole (changing each day of December)

NORAD officials have received notification that Santa has selected 9 reindeer for his yuletide trek around the world on Christmas Eve! These special reindeer have been on a rigorous exercise program to make sure they are physically fit for the journey! NORAD has learned that one of the reindeer has a bright shiny nose, and responds to the name Rudolph. Click here to stay updated

Orginial Santa Letter

Our Santa Letters have been a holiday tradition for generations.

For almost sixty years we’ve put smiles on the faces of nearly two million children all over the world with the Original Letter from Santa

Santa Letters

These personalized letters are filled with more than good wishes from Saint Nick: they’re filled with the promise of Christmas, and all its secrets and magic. And, a Santa letter can set many a worried mind at ease, as each reader learns that he or she is, indeed, on Santa’s “good” list! It may sound insignificant to adult ears, but think back: To a child, knowing he or she has the approval of “the Big Guy” can do amazing things for self-esteem and confidence!

And with each Santa letter, your child receives so much more. Personalized especially for the recipient, you can even include customized text to tailor the letter to your child’s life. Imagine the thrill your child will feel, realizing that Santa has taken a special interest in him or her.

Every letter from Santa is printed on custom stationery, unique to Santa Claus House – in fact, Santa has been using the same stationery with only minor changes, since 1960, continuing a tradition that adds to the letter’s believability and magic. Each letter is postmarked and mailed from Santa Claus House in North Pole, Alaska, and more importantly, each letter is backed by a real address, where children can visit Santa, and even write back to the Jolly Old Elf.

Each letter also includes a jumbo sticker, proclaiming the bearer to be “on Santa’s Good List; an exclusive, limited-edition keepsake “Santa Dollar;” and a full-color keepsake photo of Santa. And of course, every Santa letter is stamped with our trademark “Santa’s Official Mail” seal and a genuine North Pole postmark.

Santa letters are mailed during the first part of December, to ensure delivery before Christmas Day no matter where you or your special child is located.

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Give your child an added thrill with their own specially-crafted genuine deed to one square inch of North Pole – an authentic deed personalized with your child’s name and a real lot and block number.


Maybe you received a Santa letter when you were a child- their parents and grandparents from decades ago. If you did, you remember the butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling you got when you saw that envelope with its genuine North Pole postmark. Let your special child experience that same thrill today. And if you weren’t lucky enough to receive the Original Letter from Santa as a child, start a tradition that is sure to be appreciated, fondly remembered, and passed down to future generations.

It’s never too late to start a family tradition, and the Original Letter from Santa is offered in more than two dozen styles to suit multiple occasions and circumstances, including letters specifically designed for baby’s first Christmas, toddlers, adults, and non-believers, as well as for children facing tumultuous times in their lives. The Original Letter from Santa is even available in seven different languages, in addition to English. With all of his reindeer to care for, Santa is certainly an animal lover, and he hasn’t forgotten the family pet: special versions of the Original Letter from Santa are even available for that special pampered family dog or cat.

More than one child at the same address? The Original Letter from Santa is offered in a variety of different formats, so each child will feel as special as you want them to feel.

The Original Letter from Santa is truly an heirloom that will be packed away from year to year, handed down to that special child when they have a home of their own. Shared with their own children, your gift of an Original Letter from Santa will be the foundation of a favorite tradition that will help many generations to experience firsthand the unique, pure, unadulterated joy of the true Christmas Spirit. Order Santa Letters now by clicking here!

Santa Proof. Santa Letters. Santa Phone Calls

Santa Proof. Santa Letters. Santa Phone Calls


Letters from Santa Claus

Do you remember as a child the fun of getting something in the mail? Now imagine if that something was a personal letter from Santa stating everything on your wish list and what you have done to deserve them...

Personal Phone Calls from Santa

Your child will never feel closer to Santa than when Santa talks to them by name!
Simply tell Santa who to call, the number and when and Santa will tell them about how they are preparing for the big day!

Santa Evidence Kit

Set the stage Christmas morning to provide proof of Santa's magical visit. Everything you need to convince even the most skeptical including Santa's sleigh license, eye glasses, glove, thank you card (for the cookies) and more!

Santa's Boot Print Kit

What better proof of Santa's visit than his boot prints throughout your home. Using these boot print stencils and the included shaker of magic snow you can safely leave Santa tracks for your child to find Christmas morning.

Good List Certificate

Don't let your child's efforts to make Santa's coveted good list go unnoticed. Insure that Santa is always watching with this beautifully designed and printed Official Good List Certificate. Includes Santa's embossed foil seal.

Santa Letters. Phone Calls from Santa. Santa Proof Evidence Kit

Santa Letters. Phone Calls from Santa. Santa Proof Evidence Kit


All of us can remember a time, maybe not too long ago, when just the mere thought that Santa Claus could exist created a gut wrenching level of excitement impossible to duplicate. I would even go as far to say that most of us have probably never felt that same level of enthusiasm since... until we had a child of our own.

Can you honestly remember what it's like to not be able to sleep just thinking about what Santa Claus was going to leave under your Christmas tree? If not, just ask your children or grandchildren...because they know.

As adults, we have been conditioned to think what seems "too good to be true" probably is. However, your child is looking for reasons to believe...
Today, it is increasingly difficult to maintain the literally once in a lifetime magical belief in Santa Claus that meant so much to you as a child. This is where we can help you shine...
Located in the small town named after St. Nick himself, as you can probably imagine, we are all about Christmas year-around. For years it has become tradition for many families to travel to our small community to have a letter mailed to their children carrying the special official postmark of Santa Claus lovingly designed each year by a child.

"I received the kit this morning, thank you so much - it's brilliant!!! I thought the letters were the best I had seen but this (Santa Evidence Kit) is absolutely the best!! Thank you so much. I have to say of all the money I spent on toys & presents this year, definitely the money spent on the letters & santa proof kit was the best spent! I think I'm worse than the children..." - Wendy C. - Dublin, Ireland

Since 2000, we have been helping thousands of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and more, light up the most precious faces in their lives. Our unique, high quality products were developed specifically to build your child's anticipation to new heights and to prolong that magical belief in Santa Claus many lose at a much too early age.
As always all of our products come with a 100% satisfaction guaranty and our company is backed by the Better Business Bureau.

Letters from Santa Claus, Phone Calls from Santa, Santa Evidence Kits, Santa Boot Print Kits and Santa's Official Good List Certificate from Imaginary Greetings are guaranteed to create a level of excitement in anticipation of Santa's magical visit to your home this Christmas like never before possible.